omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
