i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
