i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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