its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize