im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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