thus making me awesome and them whores
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
