This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
