I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
