The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
