I accidentally had phone sex last night
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
