Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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