a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
