Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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