he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
