we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
