My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
