If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
