But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
