My underwear smells like fireworks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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