so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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