God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dignity is for republicans.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
