so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
