Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
