I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize