some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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