he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
