WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
