remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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