last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
