We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
