he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
