i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
