I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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