YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
