Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
