$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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