I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
