I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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