I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
