I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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