Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
