There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
