oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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