I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
