Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
