party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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