Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize