I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
