they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
