god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
