Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
