Even the bartender felt bad for me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
