Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
