he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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