So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
