dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
