You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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