this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
