My room smells like vodka and shame
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
