He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
