Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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