Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
