mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
