The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
