I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
