The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
