the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
