I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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